


Love Will Leave a Mark

by I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own



Series: Not-Quite-A-Warlock [10]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Immortal Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-05-16 01:37:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14801876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own/pseuds/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own
Summary: In which Magna drops a bomb and runs, and Alec learns that there is nothing rational about love, and that for all his years, there's still things Magnus can teach him.





	Love Will Leave a Mark

_There's no use to try and suppress,_  
_It's always there reminding._  
_The one wound that never forgets,_  
_Open and undying._  
_Always alive, always inside._  
  
_And no one comes out the same,_  
_Love always leaves a mark._  
_The scars give it all away,_  
_Burned in your heart._  
_Love will leave a mark._  
~Love Will Leave a Mark, Red

* * *

Magna is sitting out on the balcony when he gets home, a bottle of vodka clutched in her hand, no glass in sight. If he had any doubts about who exactly talked Magnus into a stupidly worded vow, those doubts can now be put to rest.

“Darling?” he asks as steps out onto the balcony, Magna jumps and raises her head to look at him, awareness slowly forming in her eyes as she blinks a few times. She smiles when she must finally recognize him.

“Dad.”

“Are you… okay?” he asks, sitting down in the chair beside her.

“I think that is the question of the decade.” Magna replies, a bitter smile on her face. “But I imagine I will get there.”

“Does this have anything to do with why your baba and your grandfather put a Curse of Withering on my father?” Alec asks, reaching over to take the bottle from Magna’s suddenly trembling hands.

“They did what?”

“Yeah, your baba couldn’t tell me anything when I asked him, because he swore a stupidly worded magical vow.” Alec explains, sighing. “I would have thought he’d know better but…“ Alec cuts himself off, shrugging his shoulders.

“I-It’s… It doesn’t matter.”

“Your baba is actually a pretty level-headed guy, most of the time. He made a deal with his father, who he still pretty much loves to hate and hates to love, over something that doesn’t matter?” Alec asks, skeptical, Magna sighs and slumps back into the chair, resting her head on the top of it and staring into the night sky, at the few stars that have valiantly managed to make themselves known in the too bright sky.

“Fine, dad, it matters a lot, and once you learn the truth, your entire life will be a lie. Is that what you want me to say?” Magna asks, voice low and hard. Alec feels his heart drop in his chest, he’d known it would be bad, but this is… so much worse.

“Just tell me, Magna. I’m sure I’ll be able to handle it, whatever it is.”

“Ask me in forty years.” Magna tells him, pushing herself up from the chair to lean over the barrier, looking out over the city. “In forty years, the mortals involved will be dead, and it won’t matter anymore.”

“Magna-“

“There are mortals involved that you love, if I tell you the truth, you won’t love them anymore, and that’ll be my fault.”

“No, it will be theirs.” Alec replies, but he feels the apprehension settle on him like a thick weight upon his shoulders. “Please, just tell me.”

“You remember when I disappeared off the grid for a few months in the lead up to the Uprising?” Magna asks, refusing to look at him.

“Yes, you said you and Merlin were stuck in another dimension, which I doubted at the time, but it has happened at least five times that I recall, so I accepted it, but now I’m wondering if I should have pushed the point?” Alec says, frowning.

“Well, I wouldn’t have told you, even if you had pushed it.” Magna answers, then she heaves a heavy sigh, her shoulders slumping in defeat. “I was in a Black Site.” She tells him, and he feels like his heart has shriveled up in his chest.

“What?” he chokes out, his fingers twitching, his magic boiling under his skin.

“The Circle got me. Your-your parents oversaw the place.” Magna whispers, so quietly Alec almost doesn’t hear her. “I guess that’s why they got given the Institute, instead of the boot, because they already proved they could lead, already proved they could scare the living hell out of Downworlders, or try their hardest to, anyway.” Magna says, her fingers fluttering with the need to do something, _anything._ “That’s the big awful truth, dad. Your parents were the orchestrators of the worst months of my life. Every time you talk about them, I feel like you’re stabbing me in the heart. Thirty years on and I still wake up terrified I’ll open my eyes, and they’ll be there. That’s the big truth, dad. Please do with it what you will.” Magna tells him, before leaping through a portal Alec didn’t even realize she’d created. He stares at the spot she’d been standing in, his entire world crumbling around him.

His parents had been Inner Circle members of the Circle, he’d known it even back in his youth, all those thousands of years ago, but he’d never truly understood what that meant, doesn’t think any of them had. Inner Circle members, not followers, not minions, but instigators. And they’d… he throws his hand out, a portal tearing itself into being, ripping up the floor and shattering the glass on the doors and the windows as it forms, the debris framing a vortex in front of him. He leaps into the centre, and the moment he feels solid ground beneath his feet again, he lets his magic go.

There is nothing but devastation for miles around him as he falls to the earth, surrendering to the darkness.

* * *

He wakes to the feel of gentle hands running through his hair, the smell of sandalwood and cinnamon.

“Magnus.” He mumbles, lacking the strength to even open his eyes.

“Yes, my darling. When you’ve got your strength back, I’m going to be very angry with you.” Magnus replies, Alec can hear the anger buried beneath the soothing tones. “For now, you need to rest.”

“What-?”

“You depleted your magical core, you complete and utter-“ Magnus stops, takes a deep breath in and lets it out slowly, Alec can just picture the annoyed look on his face. “I told you to be gentle, I didn’t just mean with Magna, I meant with yourself.”

“They-“ Alec starts to answer but stops when he feels Magnus’ fingers on his lips, shushing him.

“I know. I know what they did, and now, so do you. But if Magna can refrain from murdering them in cold blood, then we can too. And I know that there’s probably still a part of you that loves them, and that’s part of what has fueled your anger, but you need to understand that you’ll always love them, not the way you did before, but you’ll love them all the same, you won’t be able to help it. And that’s okay, Alec.” Magnus whispers, planting a soft kiss on his brow, then on his lips. “That’s part of life, too. I still love Camille, even though she’s broken my heart more times than I can count, I will always love her. Not the way I used to, but in a way, I know I can never stop. Because for all the bad, there were good times, too, and no, they don’t outweigh each other, but they don’t have to, because that’s not how the heart works. It’s why I kept going back to her, because the heart wants what the heart wants, no matter how much the mind protests. The heart isn’t rational, Alec, love isn’t rational. What is rational about giving something fundamental to your wellbeing away to people who can destroy it? What is rational about offering yourself repeatedly to people who have already proven to be irresponsible with the most important part of you? Nothing, Alexander. Nothing. And it’s _okay._ ” Magnus says, wiping away the tears that have started streaming from Alec’s eyes without Alec’s say so.

“It hurts.” Alec gasps, with the sudden realization that it does, it does hurt. Alec feels like his heart is burning in his chest, like if he doesn’t claw it out, it’ll burn so hot it destroys him. He reaches his hands up to his chest, clawing at the skin, but Magnus’ hands grip his tight and refuse to let go.

“It’s okay. It’ll be okay.” Magnus tells him, over and over again until the pain doesn’t so much go away, as fade into the background, a dull ache, a reminder of a vast betrayal, by his parents, and by his own heart.

 _“That’s what love is, Alexander. When you love someone, you place your heart in their hands, and you hope they can be trusted with it. Sometimes you make mistakes.”_ He hears Heta’s voice in his mind, from so, so long ago. She was right, all this time, thousands and thousands of years from the dawn of human kind, and love is still just as irrational as it was at the start.

How is that fair?

* * *

 _And no one comes out the same,_  
_Love always leaves a mark._  
_The scars give it all away,_  
_Love will leave a mark._  
  
_With every tear in every sound,_  
_Consumed with a fire that never burns out._  
_Finding a way through the dark,_  
_Love will leave a mark._  
~Love Will Leave a Mark, Red

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, but now I also absolutely have to do a break up fic for Malec because my brain is a piece of shit and all I can think about is Scars To the New Boyfriend by Rudy Francisco and my heart is breaking?!?!


End file.
